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Introduction

How many of you here have been a participant in a divorce or you are the child of divorced parents? The sheer number of raised hands is all the justification that is needed for this sermon today. There is a grieving process that is, in many ways, worse than the death of a spouse because it goes on and on. Lest you think I am going to beat you over the head, rest easy. Before this sermon is ended, I plan to offer you a ray of hope out of your pit of despair.

1. The effects of divorce

A. On the man and woman

I. Sense of failure: “What could I have done differently?”

II. Sense of guilt: “What’s wrong with me as a wife/husband?”

III. Insecurity: Not having someone to lean on for support

IV. Financial difficulty: (Time Magazine: Sept. 25, 2000)

V. Married couples income (age 51-61) = $132,200

VI. Divorced person’s income = $33,700

VII. One spouse has to do all the parenting; the other is deprived of the parenting role altogether, no emotional support

VIII. Loneliness and lack of meaningful sexual fulfillment

B. On the children (Source: Time Magazine, Sept. 25, 2000)

I. Cover: “”New research says long-term damage is worse than you thought. Should unhappy parents stay hitched?”

II. The divorce explosion: 1970—4.3 million, 2000—20 mil.

III. 40% of first marriages end in divorce; divorces in 1st marriages average 8 years; 2nd marriages average 6 years

IV. Judith Wallerstein, Ph.D. in clinical psychology says, “Children take a long time to get over divorce. Indeed, its most harmful and profound effects tend to show up as the children reach maturity and struggle to form their own adult relationships.” She continues arguably, “Children don’t need their parents to like each other. They don’t even need them to be especially civil. They need them to stay together, for better or worse.”

V. Divorcing parents set the stage for their own children’s future divorces. Time reports that because of their fear of marriage, “Children from broken families tend to marry later, yet divorce more often than those from intact homes.”

VI. Personally, the absence of a husband/father role model in my life nearly destroyed my home and family until God intervened.

VII. The point is well-made; no need to belabor the obvious.

2. Root causes of divorce

A. Un-submitted wills

I. Ephesians 5:21 “Submit yourselves one to another…”

II. We are a pampered society; we want what we want

III. Unwilling to give and take

IV. Marriage is NOT a 50/50 proposition! It is EACH partner being willing to submit to the other “Love seeks not its own way!” (I Corinthians 13:5)

V. Men love verse 22 (“Wives, submit to your husbands…”) but the preceding verse advises us to submit to each other.

B. Lack of commitment to the marriage

I. Back doors breed insecurity in marriage

II. Tell your spouse in front of your children, “No matter what…I will NEVER leave you!”

III. The “D-word” should never be uttered in a home; it breaks trust and breeds insecurity

IV. Personal: Joy and I made that vow on our wedding night

C. Poor communication

I. Saying “I do!” doesn’t make us mind-readers.

II. Games we play: sighs, door slamming, throat clearing, tossing & turning, silent treatment—all substitutes for communication.

III. “No substitute for open and honest communication!”

IV. An argument signals a breakdown in communication.

V. Learn to listen to your spouse.

VI. Work at communicating… get help if needed

3. The biblical view of divorce

A. Two biblical grounds for divorce:

I. Habitual adultery: Matthew 19:9 “I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness (porneia), and marries another woman commits adultery.”

a. A single case of infidelity does not qualify!

b. There must be a pattern of infidelity.

c. Jesus’ higher law is to forgive and restore the offender

II. Abandonment: 1 Corinthians 7:15 “But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace.”

III. Physical abuse???

B. In the culture of Jesus’ day the right to divorce automatically carried with it the right to remarry; therefore anyone who has a biblical justification for divorce also has right to remarry.

C. The Apostle Paul says that if the marriage is in jeopardy to the point of separation, the over-riding concern must be to put the marriage back together. (I Corinthians 7:10-11)

4. Implications for us

A. In the Present:

I. Determine that divorce is not the answer; not an option

II. Determine that doing nothing is not an option

III. Seek help to resolve the conflict areas in your marriage

IV. Develop a “contract” with your spouse, spelling out your expectations of each other; make sure both agree

B. In the Past:

I. If it happened before you were saved, forget it! God already has! Life proceeds as if you had never been married.

II. If there is still a possibility of reconciliation, then pursue it.

III. If, as a Christian, you knowingly disobeyed God’s Word and pursued a divorce, you have not committed the unpardonable sin, BUT: You do not have the right to remarry! And the consequences of your sin will follow.

Taken from the personal sermon notes collection of Dr. Arnold Lastinger